there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
