Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
