We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
