I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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