that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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