His hands were made for my vagina.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
