Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
