every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
