Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
