u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let's get the cat blown out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
