the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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