new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
