Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god