the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food