A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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