Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
