"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
