booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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