He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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