i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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