Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
