Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
