I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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