I wish I could punch you in the face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
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She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize