Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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