I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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