if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
