so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
