Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
