She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
