Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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