he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
