8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
