NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to align my fucking chakras
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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