I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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