What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
