You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
