If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Watching her eat just hurts me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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