You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
