she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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