So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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