Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
