I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
