He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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