what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
