What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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