Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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