Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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