So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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