I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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