im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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