I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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