I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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