Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
