Christians are straight up FREAKS
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
