Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
