I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
