Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize