there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
