We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
