there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
