Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
